When Things Go Pear Shaped.

I am going to be upfront from the beginning. This is a post about what I do not post about.

Let me explain.

There are special needs parenting blogs out there written by parents that take a ‘tell it like it is’ approach to what life is like with their child/ren.
I read these blogs. I ‘get it’. It is my personal choice to not go into some of the more difficult day-to-day details about my Kiddo on this blog. There are a for a few reasons for this.

Well … three reasons.

1. My son can read. Not fluently yet… but soon he will. One day he may choose to read this blog and I am mindful of this when I write.
2. My son can talk. It so follows that he can ask questions. About everything.
3. It is his life. Not mine.

So… Yes. Apart from the daily challenges of raising a child, there are absolutely the extra challenges of raising a child with special needs. Some of these challenges are unique to autism. That is a fact.

Some of these challenges are big, some small. Some days are smoother sailing. Some days things go pear shaped and the wheels completely fall off. Some days, even months, are just downright impossible.

But here’s the thing. In the past twelve months I have been pregnant with my second child, I have given birth and I have moved countries. I have set up life in a new house, with a new school, new friends, new church, basically new everything.

I have had ‘glass behind the eyes’ levels of tiredness with a new baby. I experienced crushing jet lag. I would do a 100 jobs a day and still barely scratch the surface of what needed to be done. There were some crazy, scrape -through-by-the-skin-of-my-teeth, yes-I will-be-using-catastrophic-language- when-conversing-with-my-husband kind of days.

Now I no longer reside inside the eye of that tornado. Things are calmer and I am feeling settled. Kiddo and Baby Girl are doing well. This makes me breathe easy.

So thankfully my husband did not write about what things were like when I was having a more difficult time. He did not post it on the internet. It’s hardly news that even though I am in my late thirties and I do not have a disability that yes- I do have challenging times!

My son is six. He has autism. I feel utterly distressed when he is having a hard time. Sometimes answers for him come from my own knowledge and experience, sometimes help comes from other autism mama’s, and sometimes from educators and professionals. Sometimes there does not seem to be an immediate solution and it is really tough. To date though he (and we) have been able to get through and get on with our own version of ‘normal life’.

When it is not my Proudest Moment or my Finest Hour I take it for granted that those hours and moments will stay off the internet and within the loving confines of my family and closest friends.

I want my son to be able to take this for granted also.

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10 thoughts on “When Things Go Pear Shaped.

  1. I understand this so well. I made this decision when I started writing online too, to keep much of our lives private despite the fact that it may have brought support to share those darker tough moments. It’s not always easy or straight-forward, and I’m glad you wrote about it. I’m also really glad that things are settling down a bit for you all, I hope that continues.

    • Hey Bec – it does feel like a delicate balance. Honestly I think your blog is brilliant at validating the issues and honoring the ones you love. You are one of my faves you know!! Thanks for the kind words- I so appreciate the support from my homeland.

      • Thank you, that’s so nice! I think it’s also important to point out that just because someone doesn’t write about things being tough doesn’t mean that thy aren’t having a hard time.

  2. Thanks for sharing your life and thoughts so openly Kaz – I have no idea how difficult your days must be at times but I know that in sharing you are helping so many others. God richly bless you and your precious family and may He give you the strength and grace and wisdom that you need on a daily basis. Love from Val 💖💕💖

  3. Love this post. I agree with everything you said. Sometimes it pretty powerful to read the words of a stranger who mimic your thoughts word by word.
    Sometimes I am baffled when a mother gives so much negative publicity to a kid who don’t even realize he/she is making things hard for the family because of their disability. Some days are tough sure enough, but as you said , it is their life. We don’t have any rights as a parent to infringe on their privacy just because we are their primary care takers. All of us have hard days. I have seen grown up NT adults acting so out of control in corporate environments , so when my ASD child has tough days it not that bad. And I could guarantee that most of their tough days directly related to health issues 100% of the time.
    And accepting Autism is accepting that our daily life is not going to be remotely close to raising a NT kid .

  4. I totally understand. People don’t see much of the negative stuff on my blog either, and I have been criticised for glossing over the hard things on more than one occasion. But, as you say- our kids have access to what we write. The last thing I want is for them to one day ask me why I complained about them!! They have the right to take my unconditionally love and acceptance for granted. Validating others must take a back seat to that.
    Anyway, I know how hard it is. I am glad you are coming out of that rough patch. I hope things continue to improve.
    xx Michelle

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